I grew up in a tight-knit neighborhood in a suburban town in Connecticut. When
my family first moved in, there was a cul-de-sac at the end of our road, and
all the kids used to ride bikes and play ball in the street. My parents lived
there almost 40 years—and so did most of the other families.
We would have caroling parties where children and adults would crowd around
a piano and belt out our favorite holiday tunes. One of our neighbors, a
professional opera singer, would sing "O Holy Night" as the closing
song every year in a way that sent shivers down our spines. The older kids
would babysit the younger ones, and we would all wait at the bus stop together
every morning. Hardly anyone moved into or out of that neighborhood in the 20
years I lived there, and now my parents, who currently live in Colorado, still
travel back to spend time with their friends as often as they can.
Developing and Maintaining Relationships
Today, I have more than 2,500 Facebook friends and upward of 7,000 followers
on Twitter—quite a different metric for measuring relationships—and I wonder
about how the changes in social relationships are affecting the generation
after mine. Now, don't get me wrong, I love Facebook. I am an admitted
addict and am very grateful that this tool has let me reconnect with friends
across my lifespan and across the world in ways that letter writing and phone
calls could not before. However, I am keenly aware that, as the breadth of our
relationships spreads, the depth often suffers.
Social-psychology research indicates that the number of meaningful ties we
have in our relationships is shrinking and is putting us at risk as we weather
the storms of life. Miller McPherson, a professor of sociology at the
University of Arizona and research professor of sociology at Duke
University, published a very compelling study, "Social Isolation
in America: Changes in Core Discussion Networks over Two Decades," in the
American Sociological Review on June
1, 2006, that showed strong evidence that our true social networks are
shrinking. He and his colleagues wanted to know how many confidants, or people
we could share anything with, changed over time.
They compared the number of confidants people said they had in 1985 and in
2004. They found that in 1985, the model respondent had at least three
confidants—at least three close connections with whom he or she could share any
and all personal struggles, secrets, and sorrows. Maybe it was his or her
coach, uncle, and best friend or his or her mentor, spouse, and mother. By
2004, that number had shrunk to just one. Usually, that person was their
intimate partner/spouse.
With just one person with whom to share our innermost thoughts, we are
highly vulnerable should anything happen to that relationship, such as death,
divorce, etc. Professor McPherson and his team also found that young, white,
and educated men were most likely to have lost those social connections.
What was the major change that influenced our connectivity between 1985 and
2004? Obviously, the Internet. In a nanosecond, I can get online and read what
my third-grade classmate had for brunch, but I am less likely to find time for
true social connectedness—face to face, sharing vulnerabilities, and genuine
support. It's likely that our true social connectedness may continue to
decline as our screen time increases. In 2005, only 5 percent of Americans said
they participated in social media. Today, about 70 percent say they do.
Those Left Out
In many ways, this group of young, white, and educated men are feeling more
and more isolated, as the April 17, 2011, Newsweek article by Rick
Marin, "Can Manhood Survive the Recession?," called out the
plight of the "Beached White Male" and the crushed expectations they
experienced after the recession. Many pushed back at this article and
questioned how it could possibly call out sympathy for the most privileged
group; however, there is a paradox of privilege, as Thomas Joiner states in his
book about the lone wolf syndrome of men, Lonely at the Top, which was
published just a couple of months after the Newsweek article. Mr.
Joiner argues that a man's fixation with status, material success, and
autonomy leads to detachment, neglect of friendships, marriage, and parenting,
and ultimately to life-threatening health problems—and all the while during the
downward spiral there is very little compassion from the rest of society.
It's not only the men in the middle years that are being affected. An
empirical article, "Increases in Depressive Symptoms, Suicide-Related Outcomes,
and Suicide Rates Among U.S.Adolescents after 2010 and Links to Increased New
Media Screen Time," published in 2017 by Clinical Psychological
Science and authored by Mr. Joiner, Gabrielle N. Martin, Megan L. Rogers,
and Jean M. Twenge looked at two massive nationally representative surveys of
US adolescents in grades 8 through 12 (N = 506,820) and compared these figures
with national statistics on suicide deaths for the ages of 13–18. They found
that adolescents' depressive symptoms, suicide-related outcomes, and
suicide rates increased between 2010 and 2015. Their conclusion? Teens who
engaged in more hours of screen time, including social media, were more likely
to report mental health issues than teens who spent more time engaged in
face-to-face connection, athletics, etc. Since 2010, this cohort of teens has
spent increasing amounts of time on screen activities and less time away from
the screen, which the researchers speculated was accounting for increases in
teen depression and suicide.
The Effect of Social Networking on Purpose and Belonging
In the mental health realm, it's important to talk about the many other
negative consequences of our virtual social connections. For one, they can
reinforce suicidal behavior and feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness.
Opportunities for suicide contagion grow when content is easily accessible and
difficult to restrict. Cyber suicide occurs when a pact is made among people
who meet on the Internet; unlike other suicide pacts that usually involve
elderly couples, these Web-based pacts involve increasing numbers of young
people.
Suicide chat rooms and "how to" sites also fester, giving suicidal
people advice on the best ways to end their lives. Embarrassing or sexual
pictures can be used to harass and bully victims. People post misinformation
and triggering content that can exacerbate a situation, and trolls—people who
anonymously post inflammatory comments to incite reactions—prey on victims who
are already vulnerable.
The tragic case of a Florida teen who used a webcam to live stream his
suicide as at least 185 people watched shook many of us in the suicide
prevention field deeply. It was only after the boy collapsed that someone
sought help, but it was too late. There is no doubt that social media and the
Internet can generate the wrong kind of purpose and belonging—but these tools
can also be used for good. And the volume of all this negativity gets turned up
by the exponential power of social media. As the Suicide Prevention Social
Media Chat founder Dr. April Foreman stated, "Social media amplifies
things. So if something is harmful, social media makes it more
harmful."
But the flip side is also true. Resilience and community can also be
contagious, and social media can be the vehicle that shares positive messages
about hope and recovery. Viral social marketing offers an unparalleled
opportunity to expand the reach of positive suicide prevention messages.
Powerful and inspirational stories such as Kevin Hines's survival from
his jump from the Golden Gate Bridge can motivate many to proactively take care
of their brain health. His BuzzFeed video has millions of views as he shares
his tips on coming through the darkness of living with bipolar condition into
the light of mental wellness.
Viral marketing uses the power of preexisting social networks to pass along
messages, exponentially increasing the communication's contagiousness and
ensuring it's reaching the intended audience. In addition, the
trustworthiness of the message is enhanced by word-of-mouth connections. We now
have the ability to have conversations and distribute resources to people
we've never been able to connect to before. Social networking has a direct
ability to save lives if leveraged properly. New peer support apps offer a
human connection that stands between asking a friend or family member for help
and reaching out to a professional. Some peer support apps offer cognitive
behavioral techniques that help people rethink their situation. The tools are
scalable and accessible in ways professional support is not, but their efficacy
needs further evaluation. New apps are constantly being generated to help
people build coping strategies, connect with peers, and develop safety
plans.
Finally, several of the social media giants are realizing that they can
provide an early detection and intervention opportunity to find and support
people experiencing suicidality. For example, a research paper by Glen
Coppersmith, Mark Dredze, and Craig Harman, titled "Quantifying Mental Health Signals in
Twitter" and published by the Human Language Technology Center of
Excellence at
Johns Hopkins University analyzed tweets of people who eventually died of
suicide and compared them to a control group to determine if there were any
differentiators. What they found was that people at risk expressed more
emotion, include fewer emoji and emoticons, and use "I" more and
"we" less than the control group. The at-risk group also were most
likely to tweet between 1:00 a.m. and 5:00 a.m., indicating that they were
experiencing insomnia, which is a known risk factor for suicide.
Knowing that people post concerning suicidal content on social media
platforms every day, groups like Facebook, Instagram, and Reddit have developed
online processes to help connect people at risk to resources and to help coach
concerned friends and family on what to do.
Conclusion
The speed of the information age will continue to expand the way we connect
at an exponential rate, so buckle up. There is no going back. Our human brains
will not be able to evolve as quickly as the pace of our technological
advances. Therefore, we will need to compensate and adapt to the best of our
ability and remember that at the heart of our health and well-being lies true
social connectedness.